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A couple deals with traumatic events

1/7/2023

And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus.
Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” Luke 1:30-31, 38
But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. Matthew 1:20

Talk about two lives being interrupted! No warning! Unanticipated! Through the years we have added many layers of glamour, mystic, fascination and romance to the story of Mary and Joseph. These layers hide the traumatic impact of Mary’s and Joseph’s obedience to God on their lives.
Mary was pledged to marry Joseph. In a culture of close ties and shared homes, her pregnancy before their marriage would be difficult to keep secret. It would be even more difficult to explain. The penalty for adultery was stoning (Leviticus 20:10). How did Mary and Joseph share this with their families? How did the wedding ceremony go? What did people say about this couple? How was the young couple treated on the street and in the neighbourhood?

There is so much that we do not know but one thing seems to be clear for Mary and Joseph. Both accepted the reality of God’s leading and believed that what God had in mind was good. God has the same plan for you. May this truth sustain you in these difficult times.

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The Importance of a Plan

1/6/2023

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In the days following our traumatic experience we are tempted to just let things happen without any planning. We don’t want to deal with things. This is a normal feeling but not thinking about it will not make life disappear. It will not make the stress of interacting with others disappear. It will make it worse. If you don’t make a plan, you will quickly become overwhelmed.

By now you know that an important part of dealing with trauma is admitting that you are in a ‘new normal’. Many things have changed and are changing, except, of course, for God and his ongoing concern for you.

A plan will help you from becoming overwhelmed. Planning allows you to have some control over what is happening instead of having others and circumstances control you.

Part of planning is prioritizing. If there are many different activities that are invited to participate in, ask yourself how many you think you can handle. One? Two? Or? After you have decided on the number, decide which activity or invitation is most important. Then accept only these! It may be hard but if you don’t you quickly become overwhelmed. Then you will spiral down further in depression and despair. You will also not enjoy anything. Better to enjoy one or two things than none.

Start small. You can always add an activity later. Easier to add than to decline after having said, “Yes”.

Need wisdom. Ask God to help you. He wants to!
__Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, ‘Here I am.’ Isaiah 58:9a__

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Sample Grief Letter

1/4/2023

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THIS IS JUST A SAMPLE

There are many variations.
What is important is that you tell others what you want them to know and do.

They want to help but can’t read your mind or know what questions to ask. When you take the initiative in this way, everyone (including you) will be more relaxed and all can be a part of your healing.
As you know, I’m going through this holiday time without ___________. I don’t want to ruin the celebrations but to be honest I don’t have any holiday joy and little energy. I am trying to get out and be around people but I may have to leave early or spend time alone in a different room. I may not feel like talking but you can show you care by offering a listening ear and a shoulder. But please don’t press me to talk.
I am going to cry a lot and at unexpected times in the middle of your celebration. Please realize that my tears are necessary for my healing and recovery, so don’t be embarrassed by them. Give me a brief hug or a smile and let me know you are praying for me and that you are there for me whenever I need you. Words are not necessary. Just allowing me to grieve in your midst is the best gift you can give me.
Please feel free to talk about (my loss—my loved one, my home, my town, my country or whatever. . . ). It would hurt me so much if you avoid speaking about it, or him or her. I like to hear your stories and memories.
If I need help with specific tasks (mention some if you like), I will ask. Beyond that, do not try to take control of my healing.

Love (your name)

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Dealing with the endless questions

1/2/2023

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During the holidays we have contact with many people. Everyone wants to know how we are doing. Their questions, while well-intentioned, can wear us out as we repeat the same emotionally draining responses. Sometimes people want to take control of your healing process by giving advice.

H. Norman Wright has a suggestion. a certified grief therapist and trauma specialist and author of over seventy books he experienced the death of his wife and son. **He suggests that you write a grief letter.** Send it to family and friends or carry copies with you to pass out to people as needed. Or give it someone at an event who can share this information on your behalf. Even if you don’t hand it out, writing it out will help you speak more effectively when you need to talk about what is happening.

It should contain four basic steps

Briefly describe your experience and feelings.
Let people know what they can expect from you.
Tell them what they can do, what you find comforting. Also share what is not comforting.
List specific, practical needs they can help with.

I will share a sample in the next insight.

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An Invitation to a Place of Rest

1/1/2023

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In "Surviving the Holidays", I mentioned that there are many things that can trigger emotional ambushes. Emotional ambushes can be exhausting! Crying is exhausting! When the emotions flood in, God offers a place to go where you can find peace and rest.
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

This is not theoretical. This is real. Read and reread and memorize verses like this till they become your every day, moment by moment reality. I love Isaiah 57:15.
For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite.

God not only dwells in the high and holy place. He also dwells with those who have a contrite and lowly spirit. The Hebrew word for contrite means ‘to be crushed’, ‘to beat or break into pieces’. And it is this heart that he says he will revive. Spend time with Him, a lot of time and he will do revive your broken heart during this holiday season.

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SWIRLS OF NURTURE

A couple deals with traumatic events

The Importance of a Plan

Sample Grief Letter

Dealing with the endless questions

An Invitation to a Place of Rest

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