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What Helps Children?

3/13/2023

Routine helps children just as it helps us. We have already mentioned the importance of routine. Even the simplest routine will help a child focus on something other than the present trauma. Whenever possible, connect the routine to something positive. It might be a past routine that has connections to a positive memory. It might be a new routine that you create and associate with a bible verse or comforting thought.

Here is one idea. Since meals are an important and ever-present routine, ask them to set the table in a special way at each meal. Connect the table setting with something with a story or picture of hope. It could be a simple decoration, a special plate with a story, or a piece of cutlery with its own symbolism.

As I am writing this I am thinking of a desert spoon. Recently, I saw the dessert spoon put in a special place above the plate instead of on the side. When I saw it placed this way, I thought of a Christian lady who requested that she be buried with a desert spoon. When asked why, she said, “When the table setting has a desert spoon, I always know that the best is yet to come. Because I know I will spend eternity in heaven after I die, I know the best is yet to come.”

This may not work for you but I present it as an example. Ask God for creative ideas for your child and your situation.

Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? Isaiah 43:18-19

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Tell Children the Truth

3/12/2023

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“He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and buckler. You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that walk in the darkness, nor the destruction that lays waste at noonday.”—Psalm 91:4-6.

Psychologists have long known that when children feel something is being kept secret, they assume that it must be bad and that it must be about them. Otherwise, they think they believe that adults wold tell them. If no one is talking to them about it, it must mean it is their fault. That may be illogical to us but as mentioned in the last insight, this occurs because children see the world revolving around them.

Children know more about what is going on around them than adults realize. But they may not know everything. They will try to fill in missing information in whatever way makes sense to them. When that information is wrong, it can have a negative effect. The information filled in from their imagination may be more damaging than the truth. This wrong information may then be difficult to counter-act.

Of course, not everything needs to be said. We do not need to talk about things they are not concerned about. We just need to answer the questions they are asking at that moment. Keep communication open. When they need to know more, they will ask additional questions.

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Children May Feel They Are Responsible

3/10/2023

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Even though it appears illogical to us, children often think that they are responsible for what is happening.

Why? Because children see the world in egocentric ways. What this means is that they assume that the world revolves around them and that the things that happen in the world are their fault. Being egocentric does not mean that children are selfish. This is part of their natural development. It is the way God created them. It is normal through much of childhood and certainly up until the age of seven or eight.

Talk to the child about this. Tell them this is normal for children. Ask them if they feel that something is their fault. Explain to them that this is not their fault. This may need to be repeated many times and they may need many opportunities to express their real feelings. When you communicate patiently and lovingly, your word will be like the gracious words we read about in Proverbs 16:24
Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

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Lessons From an Airplane Stewardess

3/6/2023

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Each time we fly, we hear the announcement that if the oxygen masks come down, we should FIRST put on our mask before helping a child put on their mask.

Why? Because we need oxygen to act, and to think clearly. But there is another reason that is often not mentioned. When a child sees an adult do it, they will also want to do it. If an adult considers the action to be normal and essential, the child will also.
Children can be confused and feel guilt in times of disaster when they realize that they are not behaving properly like they used to. We need to help children recognize that their unusual behaviours are normal, temporary and will pass.
How? By demonstrating that in our life! Even while we are experiencing our tears, flashbacks, emotional ambushes, outbursts, and physical effects on our bodies, we need to show them in our words and through our actions that we also believe this will pass. If this is your first traumatic experience you may doubt that. Trust the experts. Trust God and His word. Act in faith.
. . . but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

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SWIRLS OF NURTURE

What Helps Children?

Tell Children the Truth

Children May Feel They Are Responsible

Lessons From an Airplane Stewardess

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