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Stage 7 of the Grief Journey - Hope

3/29/2024

In the final stage, you will enter the Neighbourhood of New Beginnings.

Here you will have new energy, make new plans, have new hopes, and want to be with others again. You may never forget what has happened, but you will not feel the pain as intensely as before. The prophet Jeremiah describes the dynamic tension of your new reality. I encourage you to read this passage many times and meditate and reflect on it.

“. . . my soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; so I say, “My endurance has perished; so has my hope from the LORD.” Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall! My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me.

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. Lamentations 3:17b-26

If you have time, read all of Lamentations. It is a dark book. But just like a jeweller displaces a diamond against a black background so that we can see the fullness of its sparkling beauty, this passage pours out hope as it is contrasted with the lamentations of the prophet. Be encouraged. In the midst of a soul bereft of peace, a mind that has forgotten happiness and the loss of endurance the never-ending steadfast love and mercies of the LORD bring hope.

Your journey is ending.

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Stage 6 - Increasing Acceptance

3/17/2024

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Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5

Acceptance and hope represent the final stages of the grieving process. Acceptance does not mean that you forget or are content with what happened. It is when you begin to acknowledge your loss and begin to think about moving forward with your life. Acceptance is realizing you can’t change the circumstances but that you can control how you respond. It is the time when you experience memories without suffering despair. You begin to reflect on good memories and slowly begin to be thankful for what you had before your loss.

Now, it may be easier to talk about what you’re feeling and thinking. You will find yourself wanting to engage with friends and family again. Your experience of grief may never come to a complete close, as you’ll always miss your loss. More and more, you will experience the change that David experienced

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever! Psalms 30:11-12

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Stage 5 of the Grief Journey - The Upward Turn

3/11/2024

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What you may feel in this stage is a little less pain, a little less sadness, and a few more positive emotions. They may be so slight that you don’t even realize it at first. Celebrate each small improvement. Write it down. Tell someone else. Thank God for every positive emotion. You may not think these things are significant but think of them as tiny oak seeds that will one day grow big and shelter you.

In this stage, you begin to feel a sense of control over your life again. This is a good time to review past strategies to make sure you continue them because they will give you strength for the final part of the journey.

Ensure you’re getting enough sleep
Aim for some form of movement each day.
Eat a healthy, balanced diet and keep hydrated.
Express your grief in words or another creative outlet, such as painting or drawing.
Connect with others, perhaps in community support groups.
Where and whenever possible meet with Christians.
Practise deep breathing regularly.
Set small, realistic goals.
Connect with God each day through prayer, songs and bible reading.
Rehearse how you respond to questions and new situations.

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Stage 4 of the Grief Journey - Depression

3/10/2024

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Suddenly it happens. Depression! The moment or period of time when all the sadness the loss has caused comes rushing at you without any filters. You become acutely aware of the permanence of the situation.

Even depression plays an essential role and provides an opportunity. Really? Yes! Depression slows down the body and prevents major organ systems from being damaged because it forces us to regroup – physically, cognitively, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. It provides time for healing and reordering life.
Take advantage of this slowdown and see it as an opportunity to do things that will contribute to long-term healing.

Pray - honest cries from the heart.
Read the Psalms. My nephew did this for three long years, day after day, night after night. Sometimes he could only read a part of a verse of a psalm before he had to close his eyes and rest. But he says that those thoughts brought him comfort and hope.
Listen to a playlist of Christian songs about hope and God’s love
Talk with family and friends. Don't close yourself off completely.
Take part in activities that may make you feel better and that you used to enjoy. Even if you don’t feel like doing them, do them by faith. But only in small amounts.
Engage in mild exercise.
Look for a small task each day that you can manage. When that becomes easy, look for two small tasks. Always be realistic about what you can do.

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Coping With the Bargaining Stage

3/5/2024

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Dr. Sabrina Romanoff shares some strategies to cope with the bargaining stage of grief. Her strategies will sound familiar because they are similar to coping with anger.

1) Realize that bargaining is a normal response and a way to hang on to hope. Try to accept it as such. Give it time. Bargaining tends to decrease over time as acceptance of reality starts to sink in. Sometimes we lose hope because progress is so slow. I know the feeling my nephew had during the three years it took for him to recover from a traumatic event. There were months when there was seemingly no progress. Many of the techniques shared in these insights were helpful in providing a full recovery.

2) Try to break the cycle of ruminating over bargaining thoughts. This is similar to breaking the cycle of feelings of anger or bargaining statements. Write down your feelings, wishes, and bargains. Then read what you have written. This will give you a bit of distance from your situation and thoughts, especially as time goes by. You will be amazed at how this helps you get a different perspective.

3) The cycle can also be broken if you make an effort to shift your focus from what you can’t control to anything you can control. No matter how small, there are things that you can control or impact. Focus on these things. Perhaps you can make one of your “If only . . statements” a possibility for someone else.

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SWIRLS OF NURTURE

Stage 7 of the Grief Journey - Hope

Stage 6 - Increasing Acceptance

Stage 5 of the Grief Journey - The Upward Turn

Stage 4 of the Grief Journey - Depression

Coping With the Bargaining Stage

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