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Three neighbourhoods everyone visits

9/25/2023

This illustration shows how you may feel along the way. Everyone visits three neighbourhoods on the grief journey.

1. Neighborhood of Denial and Anger:
You may be in shock and feel numb. You may deny that the loss happened. You may be angry at others, at yourself, at God. You may often be thinking “if only” you had done this or that, you could have prevented the loss. You may forget to eat. You may cry a lot.
2. Neighborhood of No Hope:
You may lack energy, and not want to get out of bed or care for yourself. You may feel there is no reason for living. You may want to end your life or kill the pain with drugs, alcohol, or some other addiction. You may feel guilty for the loss, even though you could have done nothing to prevent it.
3. Neighborhood of New Beginnings:
You will feel new life inside you—energy, plans, hopes, and wanting to be with others again. You remember what happened but don’t feel the pain like before.
There is hope. Although you may not think it is possible right now, new beginnings and new life lie ahead of you if you are willing to go on this grief journey.

Will you go along willingly as we share helpful insights or will you fight it? Your willingness will make a big difference.

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The Grief Journey

9/21/2023

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When disaster hits and trauma overwhelms us we wish the resulting pain and grief would end quickly. How I wish it would be true for you!

However, everyone will tell you the same thing. It takes time. Don’t be depressed when you read this. If I would say, “It will never end”, you would have reason to despair. But the simple statement “It takes time,” is really a statement of hope. It means healing is possible. Grief and pain will diminish. Accepting that is a big step forward toward ultimate healing.
The book of Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 says:
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

The words ‘time’ and ‘season’ in these verses represent extended periods of time. Time is a gift that makes it possible for healing to take place. When we take time to grieve our losses we will recover from them.

Grief is a journey. You will find it helpful to think of grief in this way.

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Singing and Relaxation

9/15/2023

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In addition to deep breathing, singing or humming is also recommended to help control emotions. Why? Because music also affects the vagus nerve we mentioned in the last insight.

The vagus nerve is in close proximity to the ear, through which we hear sound and music. When we listen to music, the vibrations activate the vagus nerve. When listening to soothing music it sends a signal that it’s time to relax.

Listening to music is great, but it is even better if you stimulate the vagus nerve by humming or singing. The larynx, or voice box, is connected to the vagus nerve. When you sing or hum you activate the vagus nerve. If you need to calm yourself down, try humming or singing. You will likely notice that your heart rate slows and you feel more relaxed. Humming and singing also forces you to control your breathing, which is linked to the vagus nerve.

Even more importantly, if you sing words that agree with Paul’s list, your thoughts will add an important third dimension to healing. This three-fold approach will greatly aid your healing from trauma. I encourage you to sing with deep breathing and words that are truthful, honourable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent and praiseworthy.

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Why does deep diaphragmatic breathing work?

9/15/2023

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Don’t worry if you don’t understand all the medical terms in today’s description. But it is important for you to understand that what happens in your body when you take a deep breath is not a ‘gimmick’ or ‘trick’ or ‘mental game’. It does something important in your body.

Deep breathing stimulates the vagus nerve. This nerve extends all the way from your brain to the large intestines: down your neck, through your chest, around your heart, around your lungs, and through your abdomen and intestines. It serves as the body's superhighway, carrying information between the brain and the internal organs.

When the vagus nerve is stimulated it sends out messages that shift your body response from “fight or flight” to “rest and digest”. It sends out a message that lowers blood pressure, releases serotonin, and increases blood flow to the pre-frontal cortex of the brain so that you can think more clearly.

Don’t do this only when you are in crisis. Try to practice this for five minutes, three or four times per day. You may notice this takes effort at first. You may even become tired while practicing it. But continued practice will make this calming, soothing way of breathing easy when you need to control your emotions.

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Breathing Correctly

9/13/2023

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Every day all over the world professionals help people in crisis by asking them to breathe deeply. However, many people do not know the proper way to breathe in order to calm themselves. They fill the chest and hold the air. If you quickly fill your lungs by expanding your chests your body interprets that as you being in a “fight or flight” situation.
This is the exact opposite of what we should do when we need to relax. Make sure that you are breathing the way we described in the previous insight. Practice until it is a habit. Also, make sure that you can demonstrate and describe it so that you can teach this technique to others.

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SWIRLS OF NURTURE

Three neighbourhoods everyone visits

The Grief Journey

Singing and Relaxation

Why does deep diaphragmatic breathing work?

Breathing Correctly

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