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Shock is Temporary Protection

10/25/2023

Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt, one of North America’s leading death educators, authors and grief counsellors says, “Thank goodness for shock, numbness and disbelief!”. How can someone say this? Because these feelings are God’s way of temporarily insulating us psychologically until we are more able to tolerate what has happened.
At the beginning of our grief journey, our emotions need time to catch up with what our mind has been told. The initial shock is acting as an anesthetic.
If you find yourself hysterically crying, having angry outbursts, or even laughing or fainting, you are experiencing normal and necessary responses that are helping you survive right now.
Unfortunately, some people may try to suppress these behaviours, believing them to be hysterical or out of control. Others may try to quiet you in an effort to feel more comfortable themselves. However, your needs are the priority right now, not theirs. Do not be ashamed to do what you need to do to survive.

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Stage 1 of the Grief Journey - Shock and Denial

10/10/2023

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Emotions are so intense, raw, extreme, overwhelming and powerful in the first stage that denial seems the only possible response.

This is the time when people experience a ‘mental fog’ that can include forgetfulness, lack of concentration, lack of motivation, repetitive thoughts, a general numbness and inability to make a decision. Many people also experience physical symptoms such as nausea or vomiting, difficulty sleeping, decreased appetite, or heart palpitations.

People often say, “It felt like a dream. It just could not be true.” “I was there but yet I felt like I was not present.” “I managed to do what needed to be done but I didn’t feel a part of it.” “I felt like I was watching someone else’s life in a video.”

David experienced the shock of trauma..
Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eye is wasted from grief; my soul and my body also.
For my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing; my strength fails because of my iniquity, and my bones waste away. Psalms 31:9-10

Notice that he talks about ‘years’. He understood grief to be a long journey.

But David offers hope in this Psalm.
I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction; you have known the distress of my soul, Psalms 31:7

I encourage you to read and meditate on Psalm 31 during if you are in this stage of shock and denial. Take comfort in knowing that God sees your distress and pain.

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Stages of the Grief Journey

10/8/2023

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Grief counsellors have found it helpful to define definite stages in the neighbourhoods of denial, anger and no hope. From experience, they have seen how helpful it is for you to understand the emotional changes that occur in each stage. Grieving is a very lonely time. The loneliness is diminished when you know that certain stages are normal and millions of people have had similar experiences. You are not weak or unspiritual when you find yourself in any or all of the stages. You are normal.

How much time a person spends navigating each stage of grief varies from person to person. It may take you hours, months, or longer. Be patient!

You may not experience all these stages or in the order we present them. You may go back and forth from one stage to another. You may even process your loss differently altogether.

However, during this journey, God will build endurance, character and hope. It may sound insensitive and thoughtless to suggest that suffering has benefits. Paul who suffered greatly, describes from personal experience what God can do for you.
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5

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The False Bridge

10/7/2023

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People, your culture, or inside voices may try to get you to skip the hard work of grieving. They may say things like, “Be strong!” “Don’t cry.” “Stay busy. Don’t think about it.” “You need to be strong for others, so don’t show your emotions or admit your feelings.” Such comments can lead you to try a shortcut. We refer to this as the “false bridge” because it promises to make your grieving shorter and less painful.

The only way to get to the Neighbourhood of New Beginnings is by grieving. If you try to avoid grieving you will delay healing, and increase your pain and sense of hopelessness. But there is hope if you allow God to accompany you on this journey. Through Christ, he will do the transforming work described by the prophet Isaiah.

to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of joy instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. Isaiah 61:2-3__

God promises to replace your mourning with comfort and joy, your ashes with a crown of beauty, and your spirit of despair with a garment of praise.

It takes courage and energy to grieve. Don’t be afraid to mourn and grieve.

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SWIRLS OF NURTURE

Shock is Temporary Protection

Stage 1 of the Grief Journey - Shock and Denial

Stages of the Grief Journey

The False Bridge

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