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The Importance of a Plan

12/29/2023

The importance of a plan (for the holidays)

Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty. Proverbs 21:5 (New Living Translation)

During this time we are tempted to just let things happen without any planning. We don’t want to deal with things. This is a normal feeling but not thinking about it will not make the celebrations and gatherings disappear. It will not make the stress of interacting disappear. It will make it worse. If you don’t make a plan, you will quickly be overwhelmed.

By now you know that an important part of dealing with trauma is admitting that you are in a ‘new normal’. Many things have changed and are changing, except, of course, for God and his care for us.

A plan will help you from becoming overwhelmed. Planning allows you to have some control over what is happening instead of having others and circumstances control you. Part of planning is prioritizing. If there are many different activities that you might be involved in during the season, ask yourself how many you think you can handle and which ones are most important. Then involve yourself in these only. Ask God to help you. He wants to!
Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, ‘Here I am.’ Isaiah 58:9a

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SAMPLE LETTER

12/27/2023

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This is just a sample. There are many variations. WHat is important is that you tell others what you want them to know and do. They want to help but can’t read your mind or know what questions to ask. When you take the initiative in this way, everyone (including you) will be more relaxed and all can be a part of your healing.

As you know, I’m going through this holiday time without ___________. I don’t want to ruin the celebrations but to be honest I don’t have any holiday joy and little energy. I am trying to get out and be around people but I may have to leave early or spend time alone in a different room. I may not feel like talking but you can show you care by offering a listening ear and a shoulder. But please don’t press me to talk.

I am going to cry a lot and at unexpected times in the middle of your celebration. Please realize that my tears are necessary for my healing and recovery, so don’t be embarrassed by them. Give me a brief hug or a smile and let me know you are praying for me and that you are there for me whenever I need you. Words are not necessary. Just allowing me to grieve in your midst is the best gift you can give me.

Please feel free to talk about (my loss—my loved one, my home, my town, my country or whatever. . . ). It would hurt me so much if you avoid speaking about it, or him or her. I like to hear your stories and memories.
If I need help with specific tasks (mention some if you like), I will ask. Beyond that, do not try to take control of my healing.

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Dealing with Endless Questions

12/26/2023

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During the holidays we have contact with many people. Everyone wants to know how we are doing. Their questions, while well-intentioned, can wear us out as we repeat the same emotionally draining responses. Sometimes people want to take control of your healing process by giving advice.

H. Norman Wright has a suggestion. a certified grief therapist and trauma specialist and author of over seventy books he experienced the death of his wife and son. He suggests that you write a grief letter. Send it to family and friends or carry copies with you to pass out to people as needed. Or give it someone at an event who can share this information on your behalf. Even if you don’t hand it out, writing it out will help you speak more effectively when you need to talk about what is happening.

It should contain four basic steps

Briefly describe your experience and feelings.
Let people know what they can expect from you.
Tell them what they can do, what you find comforting. Also share what is not comforting.
List specific, practical needs they can help with.

I will share a sample in the next insight.

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Surviving the Holidays

12/25/2023

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Dealing with trauma is always challenging but the experience is more intense during the season. Since our most precious memories are part of the traditions and celebrations of Christmas and New Year, there are many things that can trigger emotional ambushes. Without warning, several activities—traditions, songs, sights, sounds, smells, foods can remind us of our loss.

At times we feel that we will not survive the holiday period. Each day, each celebration, each gathering is a dreaded event. One wishes that one could skip the many gatherings and just be alone.

However, grief counsellors, and those who have experienced grief say that in order to help recovery, it is better to say, **“This is difficult but with God’s help I believe I can make it through these days.”** They recommend that you remember the words of the Psalmist.
But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted; you consider their grief and take it in hand. The victims commit themselves to you; you are the helper of the fatherless. Psalms 10:14

As we continue we will share some practical ideas about how to do that. However, for today, do not try to fight your emotions when they come but claim this promise through prayer.

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Source of Supernatural Strength

12/23/2023

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Mary’s strong faith is not really surprising when you realize what she was thinking. We get a glimpse of what the source of her faith from her poetic response to the huge change of plans in her life. What we see is a mind saturated with references to other prayers and songs by women in the Old Testament in response to God’s gracious and powerful intercession. These women include Miriam, Deborah, Judith, and most importantly, Hannah.
Take time to carefully read and reflect on her response. It was the source of her supernatural strength and it can be yours as well. Do you have such a view of God? If not, how can you saturate your mind with this kind of biblical knowledge of who God is?
And Mary said “My soul magnifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant.
For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed; for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name. And his mercy is for those who fear him from generation to generation.
He has shown strength with his arm; he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts; he has brought down the mighty from their thrones and exalted those of humble estate; he has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich he has sent away empty.
He has helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy, as he spoke to our fathers, to Abraham and to his offspring forever.” Luke 1:46-55

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SWIRLS OF NURTURE

The Importance of a Plan

SAMPLE LETTER

Dealing with Endless Questions

Surviving the Holidays

Source of Supernatural Strength

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