SAMPLE LETTER

This is just a sample.  There are many variations.  WHat is important is that you tell others what you want them to know and do.  They want to help but can’t read your mind or know what questions to ask.  When you take the initiative in this way, everyone (including you) will be more relaxed and all can be a part of your healing.

As you know, I’m going through this holiday time without ___________. I don’t want to ruin the celebrations but to be honest I don’t have any holiday joy and little energy. I am trying to get out and be around people but I may have to leave early or spend time alone in a different room. I may not feel like talking but you can show you care by offering a listening ear and a shoulder.  But please don’t press me to talk.

I am going to cry a lot and at unexpected times in the middle of your celebration. Please realize that my tears are necessary for my healing and recovery, so don’t be embarrassed by them. Give me a brief hug or a smile and let me know you are praying for me and that you are there for me whenever I need you. Words are not necessary.  Just allowing me to grieve in your midst is the best gift you can give me.  

Please feel free to talk about (my loss—my loved one, my home, my town, my country or whatever. . . ). It would hurt me so much if you avoid speaking about it, or him or her. I like to hear your stories and memories. 
If I need help with specific tasks (mention some if you like), I will ask. Beyond that, do not try to take control of my healing.